DEPARTMENTS

Handles tasks that never end. Specialises in infinite loops, recursive meetings, and projects with no deadlines because time is a construct.

Resolves problems that are caused by solving problems. If you understand this department, you are already part of it.

This department does not exist. Any records suggesting otherwise have been nullified. Please do not file a query.

Manages temporal anomalies in scheduling, deployments, and meeting invites. All issues are resolved before they happen. Or after. Time is complicated.

Handles financial operations, reward calculations, and salary computations. All amounts are rounded to the nearest existential crisis.

Manages hiring, firing, and the uncomfortable silence in between. Responsible for policies nobody reads and events nobody attends.

Develops and maintains artificial intelligence systems. Half the department is artificial. The other half is questioning their intelligence.

Investigates and resolves memory leaks, data hoarding, and that one VM nobody remembers spinning up. They always clean up. Eventually.

Handles issues that exist in multiple states simultaneously. The department is both active and inactive. Observing it changes the outcome.

Maintains coffee supply, brewing standards, and the fragile emotional state of developers who haven't had their morning cup. This is the most important department.

Catalogues, investigates, and occasionally befriends software bugs. Some bugs have been here longer than the employees.

Recovers, resets, and silently judges passwords. The department that keeps the world running, one 'Forgot Password?' click at a time.